February 2012
30 posts
I want to change who I am, without changing who I am. It’s a very confusing time for me right now. I don’t know how to get one without giving up the other. Doing nothing, nothing at all… Where do we go from here.
I saw you while my mouth was half full of chicken wings and soda. We spent the night with two of my friends, sprawled out in bed, laughing at the world, all of our tired eyes on you. I pushed to be close, but like fire, I knew the consequences and took no chances on being burnt. I played my cards well though, showed off nicely and made you smile. That smile. The one all three of us boys probably...
Can’t sleep, too much thinking, “It’s 3am I must be lonely.”
I don’t do enough per day to say I’m alive, and it scares me so. These days are leaving and I feel like I’m just trying to hold on, Scared of what tomorrow may bring if anything changes at all. And you, you know just how to push all those right buttons. I knew you when I was a child, still...
Write it all down...
All of those bad things that happened, the way you feel about them, the horrible events and things you wish you could change. Write is as big and loud as you can. Write it hard enough that no matter how much you try to erase it, that paper, just like that memory is ruined forever. Write it down, all of it, all of the bad things. Anything you ever felt like shit about; things you’ve done and...
Sad it’s Thursday but cannot wait for this weekend. Josh is more than halfway through his trip here and I seem to miss him already. I know it’s strange and it doesn’t make sense but no matter how dumb him or I (mostly he) act or treat each other or fuck around or get in too deep with shit, we will always be there for one another. We will always be brothers.
Dreading school...
